So I haven't written anything for decades... Whatever.
I actually don't know how to start writing again and what to write to begin with. There's just a lot of things that has happened lately that I needed an output for feelings that I prefer not swimming inside my head. Feelings or the lack of it.
While I was on my way to work this morning, I got to thinking about how my personality has changed. Frankly, I'm not sure if my personality had changed mainly because I've been dreading the thought of it. I've been trying to be the same person who left Manila 10 months ago but I'm afraid that I've been experiencing a psychology theory that your environment greatly affects you as a person. If you are what you eat and what you eat is from an environment of entirely different culture, is it possible that I've been ingesting my new environment?
I also got to thinking how much (or less) I've been speaking lately. Everyone knows I'm quite a chatty person. Like a friend-once-caught-me-talking-to-my-pen-while-waiting-for-our-prof kind of chatty person. Ok, that might be a little scary. But the point is, lately I've been talking mostly only in my head. And I had not realized it until earlier when I asked myself when was the last time I opened my mouth to talk and I had to stop for a couple of minutes to think of the answer. In my own defense, I was asked to be the emcee of our company exhibition last weekend and I had to talk for hours in front of our booth for two days. But that's talking, not chatting. I miss the days when I'm with my friends and there's just too many things to talk about that the conversations often end up with all of us shouting to one another just to be heard. It's like when someone asks you when was the last time you had sex and you have to think about it because it's been too long. And yes, it's been too long since I ... whatever. TMI.
There are also some episodes when I just lose all the hope in the world. Like, I see all the negative things that has happened to me. I look for the bright side but only to look for loopholes. And then I asses what I know what I don't know. Basically it's psychological bungee jumping while hoping that your parachute wouldn't open. Maybe it's exhaustion induced or my positivity took an early holiday vacation or whatever.
In any case, I think I'm going to go back on writing. Maybe revamp this blog or whatever. I don't know if anyone still reads this but I want to make this as personal as possible. Maybe share a secret or two sometime. Or maybe rant or ramble. Whatever.
iloveuK.
